Listening to Intuition: When Attraction Meets Uncertainty in Dating

Meeting someone new on a dating site can be both exciting and a little nerve-wracking, especially when their personality and values don't immediately fit into a neatly defined box. You’ve encountered a man who is engaging, talkative, and opinionated—someone who seems to enjoy sharing his thoughts, perhaps a little too much. Confidence is generally attractive, but when it tilts into overconfidence, it can feel overwhelming, as though there’s little room for you to be fully heard in the conversation. This dynamic alone may cause you to pause and consider whether he is the kind of person who genuinely listens, or if he is more interested in performing his own narrative.

His spiritual beliefs, or rather his lack of alignment with traditional religious institutions, add another layer of intrigue. He is not an atheist, so there is a belief system at play, but there’s something uncertain about it—something that might not be fully formed or might even shift depending on his mood or the context of the discussion. That kind of ambiguity could mean he is still figuring things out, or it could indicate a tendency to avoid deeper commitment to any ideology, which might extend beyond spirituality into other aspects of life.

Another red flag, or at the very least a yellow caution light, is his openness about sexual desire. While it’s commendable when people are honest about their needs and expectations in a relationship, there’s a fine line between openness and a lack of tact. His comment about needing to relieve himself after an evening of passion may have been intended as an expression of his desire, but it also reveals a level of impulsivity and perhaps a lack of restraint. For someone who has been celibate for 15 years, this could indicate an incompatibility in values and expectations.

Celibacy is not just a lifestyle choice; for many, it is a deeply personal commitment, whether for spiritual, emotional, or practical reasons. If he is already making it clear that physical intimacy is important to him and will be an expectation at some point, it’s worth asking whether this relationship has an inevitable point of tension. Even if he respects your choice for now, will that respect continue over time, or will it turn into pressure? It’s important to assess whether his overconfidence extends into entitlement—does he believe his desires are non-negotiable? Or does he genuinely have the patience and self-discipline to build something on your terms?

Attraction and chemistry are real forces, and it’s understandable if there’s something compelling about him. His energy, passion, and ability to hold a conversation might make him an interesting person to engage with, at least initially. But a relationship is not just about chemistry; it’s about compatibility, respect, and shared values. His talkative nature and strong opinions could make for stimulating debates, but they could also mean that he dominates conversations, leaving little room for your perspective to be fully valued. Does he ask you questions and genuinely listen? Or does he steer discussions back to himself?

Another factor to consider is whether he has demonstrated emotional maturity. Overconfidence can sometimes mask insecurity, and people who talk excessively may do so to fill silence rather than to connect. The fact that something about him feels “shaky” to you is important—your intuition is picking up on something, even if you can’t quite define it yet. Sometimes, an initial unease is just the brain’s way of processing newness, but other times, it’s an internal warning system telling you to be careful.

If you were to continue getting to know him, it would be wise to set clear boundaries early on. If he is genuinely interested in you as a person and not just the potential of physical intimacy, he will respect those boundaries without making you feel guilty or pressured. But if he begins to subtly (or not so subtly) push against them, that would be a clear sign that he is not aligned with your values.

Another thing to consider is how he handles disagreement. Strong opinions can be attractive in small doses, but if he is unable to engage in a balanced discussion without dismissing opposing viewpoints, that could indicate a deeper issue with control or emotional regulation. Being spiritual but not religious is fine, but does his spirituality manifest in a way that fosters kindness, self-awareness, and personal growth? Or is it just another set of loosely held beliefs that he uses to justify his actions?

It’s also worth noting that people who are comfortable making explicit comments early on—like the one about needing to pleasure himself—may not have the best social awareness or respect for the subtleties of courtship. That kind of disclosure might be appropriate in a long-term, comfortable relationship, but bringing it up early suggests a certain impulsiveness. Is that the kind of energy you want to invite into your life?

There is nothing wrong with exploring a connection and seeing where it leads, but only if it feels right to you. If you already have doubts, those doubts are unlikely to disappear over time; they will either grow or be confirmed. A man who is truly worth your time will not just be willing to wait, but will do so gladly because he values you as a whole person, not just as a potential partner in intimacy.

Ultimately, the question is not whether he is a good person—he very well might be—but whether he is the right person for you. If you feel like you have to navigate around his personality rather than enjoy it, or if you already sense an impending conflict over values, it may be best to step back before investing too much. Your time, energy, and peace of mind are valuable, and any relationship should enhance them, not challenge them at every turn.