Recently, I met a woman who appeared to be in her thirties but, to my surprise, was actually 49. She was stunning—model-level gorgeous, with natural hair in a cropped style reminiscent of old-school Halle Berry. When I gave her my number, I wasn’t sure she’d call. Initially, I thought she might be closer to my daughter’s age and wouldn’t be interested, and second, she just seemed out of my league. Surprisingly, about two weeks later, she did call, and we had a brief but pleasant conversation.
Over the next week or so, she texted me again, and we exchanged messages. Eventually, she shared that she was gay. That revelation didn’t bother me; I was fine with being just friends. Besides, I’ve noticed that being seen with an attractive woman—regardless of her sexual orientation—often garners positive attention from other women. It’s a dynamic I’ve never fully understood, but it works.
A few days ago, she texted again and asked if I had a "strong back." Curious, I said yes and asked why she was asking. She explained that she was moving to a new unit in her apartment complex within the next month or two because of issues with her current unit. She mentioned needing help, and I agreed, as long as she gave me advanced notice due to my work schedule. I set my schedule weeks in advance, so I made it clear she’d need to plan accordingly.
Later that day, we exchanged a few more texts. That evening, I sent her a lighthearted message unrelated to the move, but she didn’t respond. It started to dawn on me that her interest in me might be more about convenience than friendship. She doesn’t have a car, and I suspect she sees me as someone she can rely on to help her out, rather than a true friend.
While I’m open to friendship, I value mutual respect and honesty. Over time, it became apparent that she has significant personal issues. She’s estranged from her family, and two of her brothers were recently released from prison. While I sympathize with her struggles, I can’t ignore the signs that she might be looking to use me for her own benefit. Her lack of genuine engagement and the way she approaches our interactions feel transactional.
I’ve lived long enough to recognize these patterns. I’m not the naïve young man I was in my teens and twenties. Back then, I encountered women who made promises, only to ghost me later—a term we didn’t even have at the time. Those experiences taught me to recognize when someone’s intentions aren’t genuine. Having been happily divorced for 25 years, I’ve learned to value my peace and independence. I’m content with my life. I enjoy my hobbies like horticulture, reading, researching metaphysical concepts, and going to the gym, and can easily find a date for a Play or Jazz Concert.
Ultimately, I’ve decided to end this interaction. I plan to send her a polite but firm text, letting her know that I’ve chosen to move on and wish her the best. While I respect her journey, I refuse to be in a one-sided dynamic where my kindness is taken for granted. I know my worth, and I won’t allow anyone to use me, no matter how attractive or intelligent she may be.
In today’s dating and friendship landscape, understanding boundaries and self-respect is more important than ever. It’s not about being cynical but about recognizing when a connection isn’t serving your well-being. I’ve learned to prioritize authenticity in my relationships, and that has made all the difference.
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